Heavy Future

I had forgotten how confusing this city could be. None of the streets seemed to lead where I wanted to go. For god’s sake! all I wanted to do was find someplace to lie down and die. I stumbled and shambled in no particular direction, somehow finding the will to keep moving. I looked up when I felt a warm breeze, that’s interesting, I wonder what all those cables are holding up.

I remember thinking to myself “how did I end up like this?” “Why am I on this bridge, and why do I smell so bad?”

“Huh, what did you say?”

“What?”

“I said, what did you say?”

“Am I going crazy? I said why do I smell so bad.”

“I don’t know but you ain’t fuckin lying.”

Had it really come to this? Was I having an argument with myself? I lifted my head once again to try and see the side of the bridge. If I could just get to the edge I could get this over with.

“Just a little further.”

“Where you goin?”

“If you must know, and I don’t see how you can’t know already as you are in my head, I am going to toss myself off this bridge, now will you stop asking questions and let me get on with it?”

That seemed to silence the voice. The exhaustion gripped me, just lifting my leg to the first railing was a struggle. With a pathetic grunt I managed to mount the railing. Visions of the future danced through my head, it was all going to be so horrible, all so depressing. I just wanted it to stop, I didn’t want to know, I didn’t want to care. Any second now, I would get tired fall forward and gravity would take care of the rest.

The world started to climb the edge of my vision as I slowly tilted forward. The whole place started to close in like the aperture of a camera, this was the end. I didn’t feel a thing. The darkness engulfed me, and I fell.

“Hey, man don’t you fuckin die on my couch man.”

“Wha…” I creaked. Was I dead? Was this hell? If you are bad and die do you get bitched at for all eternity?

“You better not die on my couch, not after I hauled your ass all the way here, for a skinny little shit you sure get heavy after a couple blocks.”

That didn’t sound like me, even in my head I never swore that much, and it was a decidedly female voice. I opened my eyes only to be greeted with a searing pain as light from a nearby lamp assaulted my sensitive retinas.

“Could you turn that light off, it is really hurting my eyes.” I pleaded.

I heard the clicking and the pain slowly drained away, to be replaced by a dull all-over ache. It took a second before my eyes adjusted to the dimness. I was in someone’s home. A small efficiency, the kind of place that has the kitchen in the main room, the kind of place poor people live. I knew this because it was exactly the kind of place I been evicted from recently. I tried to raise my head to get a better look around, but instantly felt dizzy and laid back down.

“I don’t know shit about medicine, but I do know you need to eat, you’re fuckin skin and bones man.”

I tilted my head toward the sound and saw the source of that voice.

Was this woman my savior? I saw a pair of old army boots unlaced at the top, fishnet leggings under a checkered skirt, and the bottom of a mens dress shirt unbuttoned at the base, to reveal a stomach covered in tattoos. I was reminded of an adult catholic school girl from punk rock high school.

I gathered my strength and managed to slouch into a seated position. After the head rush wore off, I could see the rest of her. The dress shirt was also unbuttoned at the top revealing more tattoos, and a head of dirty blond hair barely kept under control by one of those hats Amelia Earhart used to wear. Not your usual attire, but who was I to judge? I smelled like a dead animal and had been wearing the same cloths for weeks.

“Why aren’t I dead?” I asked stupidly.

“Dead? You fuckin should be, you were climbing over a guard rail at the entrance to the bridge foot path and then fell backwards into traffic. Your lucky I saw you and pulled your ass onto the sidewalk before someone ran you over.” She replied.

“Oh…”

What do you say to someone who saved your life, when maybe you didn’t really want them to?

“Thanks…I’m Quentin.” I said, unable even to hold my hand out for fear that I would fall over from exhaustion.

“I’m Rain, nice to meet you. Why don’t I make you some ramen noodles, and then you can tell me what you meant back there.” Rain said, bending down to take a closer look at me. She had green eyes.

“What do you mean?” I couldn’t remember saying anything.

With a face full of skepticism she said, “You said that I was going to help you save the fuckin world.”